The Reason
by Urizen
Summary: After the events in Batman #50, Alfred Pennyworth has a heart-to-heart with Selina Kyle, wanting to know what happened.


**The Reason**

 **Disclaimer:** Catwoman, Alfred Pennyworth and all the other characters belong to DCComics.

 **A/N:** Thanks to Rosey for her proof-reading and editing.

The Four-Leaf bar was one of several dangerous places in Gotham City, an old relic from the days of the Prohibition, back when the clientele could get mugged or beaten any day of the week. The locals avoided it like the plague and hardened lowlifes whispered about it in rumors. It looked like a place where bad souls went to die, when in reality, it was one of the safest places to be. Against its terrible appearance, it was a safe haven for criminals and anyone who wanted to hide from the law and one of the few places where the Batman didn't show up. The owner, a former U.S. marine turned crime lord-turned FBI informant, had proclaimed his bar a no-conflict zone. It meant everyone who stepped in behaved, more or less, and the police and the bat left them alone.

One cold night, a man wearing a very nice suit under a grey coat walked down the alley that led to the Four-Leaf. He was well past middle age but moved like a much younger man, nothing in his step revealing weakness or fear. He stopped in front of a locked door. He looked at the small green neon sign that depicted a four-leaf clover and knocked three times, paused, knocked four more times and waited. The door sprang open and he walked inside.

A waiter – a huge, imposing man with an impressive mustache – stood in front of the man who had just crossed through the front door, meaning either to welcome him or to intimidate him into leaving.

"Purpose?" The large man asked. Alfred Pennyworth looked at the waiter-bouncer, the black combat boots, dark blue pants, white polo shirt that showed muscular arms filled with tattoos and finally, at the man's brown eyes, measuring the true intent behind the words.

"I just want a pint of Guinness," Alfred replied as he removed his gray wool coat. "And I'm meeting a friend here. Is there a table ready?"

The tall man stood motionless, looking how the shorter British man pulled his white shirt back, exposing a decades old tattoo that showed a faded knife with the words ' _Regnum defende_ ' written underneath. The bouncer nodded and stepped aside, letting Alfred pass, and pointed at a wooden table near the middle of the bar. Alfred thanked him and moved to take a seat, pulling down his sleeve to cover his tattoo. He never knew who might have something against MI-5 in the world, and it was better not to risk it, even if it got him inside the bar, no questions asked.

Every pair of eyes inside the bar looked at Alfred as he walked past them, probably wondering why a well-dressed foreigner was stepping into the Four-Leaf on a Tuesday night. He did not make eye contact with anyone, ignored the smoke of cigarettes and the smell of some patrons as he approached his table, pulled the surprisingly well –kept wooden chair and sat down.

The pint of Guinness appeared in front of him thirty seconds after he sat down, and half of it disappeared in half of that time. Alfred had a date, and he was ten minutes early, wanting to get a feel of the place and get his nerves under control, something that hadn't happened in twenty years or more; not since that terrible morning in Yugoslavia in the eighties. He reached for the glass again and took a sip of beer, savoring it, the bitter taste of roasted coffee and wheat, a pleasure he had denied himself for a long time. Forgetting all manners, he drank deep and emptied the glass before he put it down on the table, willing the cold liquid to ease his stomach and his nervousness.

At exactly eight thirty, the time they had agreed to meet, the person Alfred was waiting for walked through the front door. The enormous bouncer stood up to meet the guest, but when he laid eyes on her, he nodded and went back to his seat without uttering a word. She was wearing black boots, black trousers and a black coat over a white blouse, a simple outfit, yet she looked stunning. Even from a distance, Alfred could see her bright green eyes and an image of a small child with those eyes appeared in his mind. If only.

Selina walked up to his table and smiled when Alfred stood up and pulled a chair for her to sit; something that wasn't usually seen in the Four-Leaf. It was a courteous gesture, but it was also a sign – or so she hoped- that there were no hard feelings between them.

"Good evening, Ms. Kyle," Alfred said as he sat down. "Thank you for coming back to Gotham to meet me here."

"It was a surprise, when you called," Selina said, not knowing if she should let her guard down or not. "I thought you didn't want to talk to me, after what happened."

"I considered it for a long time, I must say," Alfred looked down, leaned forward and put his hands together, seeming troubled by his admission. "I didn't understand why you left: I still don't, but I felt like I should – no, I had to – ask you why you did it."

Selina sighed. It was obvious Alfred would want to know why she left town the night she was supposed to marry Bruce, that much she figured when he got in touch with her, but a small part of her hoped their reunion would avoid that particular subject. She felt she owed him that much, and Selina was a woman who worked hard to not be in anyone's debt, but she wouldn't talk without at least a little alcohol in her.

Waving her hand, a waiter seemed to materialize out of nowhere, putting a cocktail glass in front of her with a pink beverage in it, adorned with a slice of apple. Alfred was not surprised, having already figured she was, or had been, a regular at the Four-Leaf. Selina thanked the waiter, picked her glass up and said 'cheers', hoping Alfred wouldn't leave her hanging. Alfred clicked her glass with his own but only she drank -his beer long gone- perhaps wanting to draw the comfortable silence for another moment or two.

"Why I did it?" Selina asked after she put her glass down. "Hell, I don't know how to answer that. I could say I was scared, but that's not the real reason. I could say I did it because the world needs him, and he has to be focused on what he does, but that's not it."

Alfred sat still, listening intently to her words, trying to measure her reactions, the way she moved her arms, how she opened and closed her hands and the dilation of her pupils. So far, it seemed she was saying the truth.

"And you think the answers are in Villa Hermosa?" Alfred asked, with no malice behind his words. "I hope your belongings reached you?"

"Yes, they did," Selina replied. ' _Ouch, by the way_ ,' she thought, remembering the embarrassment she felt when she opened the box and read the card he had signed. "My sister is there, in a hospital, but I guess you already knew that, right?"

"I am aware of her whereabouts, yes," Alfred nodded. "And I understand that you want to be close to her, in her time of need. Is she the reason you left?"

"Yes. No. I… I don't have a clear and concise answer, Alfred. At least not one that can satisfy you and make you stop hating me." Selina almost didn't dare to look into Alfred's eyes, not wanting to see pity or hate in them. When she did, she was surprised to see something else entirely in his hazel eyes: understanding.

Alfred ran his hands through his hair, something so uncharacteristically of him that surprised her. She always thought him as the strongest man she had ever known; the rock to which all the vigilantes dressed as bats hung to.

"You are probably thinking that I hate you, or at the very least, resent you for what you did," Alfred said as he looked for the waiter. "I did have strong feelings after Br… after we went back home and you weren't there. I have many thoughts and opinions on that matter, but I can't judge you without knowing your side of the story, and maybe if you listen to my story, you will be able to tell me what you really feel and reach a better understanding of your actions."

The waiter appeared next to Alfred, with another pint of Guinness in his hand, almost – _almost_ \- surprising the British man.

"You know the story of how his parents were killed, everyone in Gotham does," Alfred said after the waiter left and he took a sip of his beer. "You know I raised him, to the best of my abilities, until he left home and traveled the world to prepare for his one-man war. You know the story."

Selina nodded. She knew the story by heart.

"But what you may don't know is that he has more family. Both his parents have brothers and sisters, the closest living relatives he has. And you don't know that I sent him to live with one of them after his parents were killed."

The revelation was not new to Selina, since she had once looked into Bruce's family tree, long ago when she once wanted to steal from him, before she knew who he really was. Alfred's admission, however, was truly a surprise.

"After the tragedy, it was only logical that he should be with his close of kin, as any orphan is wont to do," Alfred said, his voice dropping an octave as he talked. "I immediately thought of Thomas' older sister, Agatha, because I thought Bruce needed something resembling motherly love. She refused, and at first I didn't understand why, but I would soon learn why."

"The inheritance, right?" Selina asked, knowing what money and ambition could cause.

"That's what I believed at first. Then I thought she was being selfish," Alfred nodded. "What I didn't know was that she didn't want any trouble. Philip and Jacob Kane were, for the lack of a better word, different."

"I heard Philip did run Wayne Industries on behalf of Bruce, when he was away," Selina said. "I guess it wasn't because he loved his sister and his nephew, right?"

"Philip isn't, wasn't, so bad," Alfred ran his tongue over his lips, uncomfortable with his words. "When I called him, he asked about Bruce right away. He was worried about him and I could hear the pain in his voice when he asked me to tell him if the news were true, that his sister and his brother in law were dead. I liked him, is what I am saying, and had he been married by then, I would have asked him to take care of Bruce."

"You thought he needed a family," Selina sighed.

"Jacob had that. He was in the military and was a strong man, much like Thomas, and Gabi was a lovely woman. I felt, no, I wanted them to be the family that Bruce had lost," Alfred licked his lips again and took a big drink of his glass. "I wasn't ready to take care of a boy. More likely, I didn't want to. You see, I was only the Waynes' butler because my father had asked me to. He died while serving them and I was honoring his memory. After Thomas and Martha died, well, there was no reason for me to stay here, in America. I could go back to my life, what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, instead of just a butler."

Alfred shook his head, old memories of his dream of becoming a world-renowned actor, or at least an officer in Her Majesty's army, flooded his mind.

"I won't bore you with the details, but I will never forget the look on Bruce's eyes when I shipped him off to his uncle and aunt to Brussels, where Jacob was stationed. He didn't say a thing, because his face had frozen into the emotionless mask that remains to this day, but his eyes were swimming with the fear and the anger that came from me abandoning him. I tried to tell him and myself that it was the best for him, when in reality it was the best for me."

Selina watched in silence as Alfred drank the rest of his beer. He didn't look like himself anymore; he looked like a man confessing his sins for the first time as he slumped in his seat.

"Was it bad?" Selina asked after a while.

"It wasn't bad," Alfred replied, sitting up straighter, becoming once again the perfect English gentleman. "Jacob and Gabi were strict, both were military, but they were good to Bruce. How do I know this? Because even if I had abandoned Bruce, I still monitored him. I still had contacts in MI6 and it wasn't hard to know how Colonel Kane and his family were doing. I worried when Gabi started taking Bruce to therapy after he seemed to shut himself in, to shun all contact and to stop eating. The therapist diagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder the same week Gabi found out she was pregnant. I guess I don't have to tell you where the priorities laid."

"So they stopped paying attention to Bruce?" Selina felt anger bubbling inside of her.

"Of course not," Alfred shook his head. "They were very kind and tried their best, but it was obvious they would have to pay attention to her pregnancy and would not have the time to properly take care of Bruce. I felt guilt, Miss Kyle, terrible guilt, because I still didn't want to take care of Bruce. I had recovered a small part of me that I had lost after becoming the Waynes' butler, and I didn't want to let go of it."

"What made you change your mind, then?" Selina asked, her anger disappearing. She felt embarrassment instead, remembering she wasn't someone who could feel righteous anger right now.

"A photograph," Alfred said and looked down, the shadow of shame covering his every feature. The beer in his glass was gone before he started talking again. "My contact sent me a photograph of Bruce, of how he looked after six months of being away from home and, my God, it's the most haunting thing that I have seen. I felt, I feel, like trash, because that boy needed someone to take care of him, to guide him and to help him come to grips with the things he'd seen."

"And Jacob and Gabi weren't cutting it," Selina completed the thought. Alfred smiled.

"Jacob and Gabi weren't cutting it, indeed," Alfred repeated, his eyes still looking ashamed. "I can't blame them. The arrival of a baby certainly changes everything. I have not been the best father, but I can say that having a child is a life altering experience."

"What happened, when you went for him?" Selina asked, not liking the defeated look on Alfred's eyes.

"It took a while to convince Jacob that I would be giving my all to help Bruce," Alfred put his hand on the air again, and almost immediately another pint of beer appeared in front of him. "I think he was relieved, to some degree, to have that responsibility taken from off his shoulders. He was starting his own family and deserved to be happy, for as long as that would last."

"And Bruce? How was he?" She asked.

"Have you ever wondered why, after all these years, he still lets me call him 'Master Bruce'?" Alfred asked, his eyes lost on the frothy foam on top of his beer, and waited until Selina nodded.

"It took him an entire week to start eating again and two more until he finally talked to me," Alfred looked up and stared into Selina's eyes. "And what did he say? He simply said: 'you left me'."

Selina felt a cold lump of ice falling on her stomach, sending an icy bolt of lightning up her spine all the way to her brain. Those were the words she feared Bruce would tell her when, if, they were to meet again.

"And what did you do?"

"I promised I would never leave him again, that I would help him and would do whatever it took to make him trust me again," Alfred smiled, but it was a bittersweet gesture. "But that time, those months that I left him, damaged our relationship. I feel like no matter what I do, even condoning his madness of dressing up in costumes and jumping up and down from rooftops, I won't ever make up for that moment, that time when I failed him. That's why I will always be the butler, the manservant, his batman, and I won't ever let me forget it, as I'm sure he won't ever do."

"I had always wondered," Selina leaned back and crossed her arms. "Why was it that he let you call him 'master', when you're more like his father?"

Alfred did not reply. He let his silence speak for him, and Selina could see all the lines in his face, the gray in his hair, the faint scars in his hands, in his knuckles. The sounds of the bar and the smell of cigarettes and old alcohol soon was too much to handle, so she began talking again.

"But he forgave you, didn't he?" She asked, her words heavy in her tongue, wanting to know if there was hope for her.

"He did, in his own fashion," Alfred replied, his beer untouched. He was starting to feel a bit self-conscious in the middle of the bar. "You have to know, Miss Kyle, the man he is now is the sum of all the things that happened to him from that fateful night on. Yes, he was born to riches, but he hasn't had an easy life, as I am sure you haven't as well. It is hard for him to trust, not only because his parents were killed or because I left him, but because of the years he spent traveling the world."

"I have heard some stories," Selina took a sip from her drink, needing to ease the dryness in her throat. "Not much, really. He just doesn't talk that much about it."

"He wanted to see the real world, and so he did," Alfred shook his head. "I thought it would help him, to see that he wasn't alone in the world, that there were others who had gone through similar situations and turned out ok. However, you and I know the world is not a happy place, and he saw and experienced things that were just as terrible as watching his parents die. His other self may have been born that night in crime alley, but he grew and matured when Bruce traveled the world. He has lost too much, too many people, too many pieces of what he was. Including you."

And there they were, those dreaded words, a severe over simplification of what had happened.

"Now that you know what I did, the sin I have carried with me for over twenty years," Alfred leaned forward and looked at her, behaving like a father who wanted to know why his son was hurt. "Tell me, really, why did you leave him?"

Selina opened her mouth and was about to blurt the same words she had told Alfred earlier, but she stopped before the first syllable had exited. She couldn't do that to him, to the man who had always been nice to her, the man she had hoped to call father-in-law. She closed her mouth with an audible sound when her teeth clicked together.

"What am I, Alfred?" She finally asked. "I mean, I know what I am, and I am very happy with the way I turned out but, in the big picture, what or who am I?"

"I'm not sure I follow," Alfred lied. He knew exactly what she wanted to say, but wanted to let her express it in her own words.

"He is friends with the most powerful beings in the world," Selina leaned forward as she said it, keeping her voice low. You never knew who could be listening. "He has seen other worlds, fought gods, traveled through time and still kept the city safe. And that's just half of him. The other half runs an empire that employs several thousand people, keeps the economy afloat and runs philanthropic events. Next to that, what am I? What right do I have to stand next to him? The world needs him more than I do."

Alfred offered a sad smiled.

"That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard, Miss Kyle, and I have heard the monologues of Doctor Harleen Quinzel," He said. "Now, let's try again."

Selina's eyes turned cold and she felt the hot rage that ran through her veins every time someone insulted her or tried to hurt her. She took deep breaths, feeling like she deserved the insult but was unwilling to let it happen again.

"It is what happened, Mr. Pennyworth," she spat his name, letting him know that she might respect him but wouldn't let him get away with insulting her. "Haven't you considered it? That in order to be who he is, he needs to be focused? What if I made him careless, or if I made him quit, or if I got him killed?"

"First, I must apologize if what I said offended you, Miss Kyle, but I never thought you would not be certain of your own worth," Alfred said as he also leaned forward. "You have met most of the Robins, right?"

Selina nodded.

"Do you think they are of help? That they serve a purpose?"

It was a strange thing to ask, but Selina kept nodding.

"And do you think they add or subtract to Bruce's life? Do you think he loves them or not?"

Emotion threatened to overcome her, but she stood her ground. She understood what Alfred was trying to tell her, but there was still something inside of her making her doubt.

"Their love for each other has helped them stay alive, Miss Kyle," Alfred continued. "Richard, Jason, Timothy, Damian, they make him stronger and make him want to live. They help him want to continue doing what he does, because he wants them to be happy and safe, however strange it may be to give them uniforms and have them follow him. Imagine what he could have accomplished with you by his side."

Selina looked away. She didn't want to accept that she hadn't thought about that, that instead of being a liability, she could have become a source of strength. That instead of adding to Bruce's pain, she could have helped him become a stronger man, a better hero and someone who fought for others instead of doing it to drown the horrors of his life.

"I do not want you to feel bad, Miss Kyle," Alfred reached out and touched Selina's left hand, where an engagement ring had once rested on a finger. "I want you to think about what you did and why you did it. I find it hard to believe that a woman as strong and as brave as you could have thought that running away was the best option. You do not strike me as someone who flees from anything, and I think that something or someone other than yourself had something to do with your decision."

Holly's face and voice appeared in Selina's memories. She had been so sure, so certain of what she was doing, so happy and so content in what was happening in her life. Months of happiness erased because her best friend told her the world needed Batman more than he needed her in his life.

There was definitely something wrong with that picture, now that she thought about it.

"I… there's something, more accurately, someone who has been with me from the beginning, who has seen every side of me," Selina said, her right hand covering Alfred's. "I trust her implicitly, no questions asked, and her opinion means a lot to me. She voiced the concerns I had, the doubts and the fear, and suddenly I felt like I was doing the wrong thing. I hadn't felt like that before, but in that moment, when I told her what was going on, what I was going to do, I felt cornered. I felt like things were spiraling out of control; that I was going to be the one to finally destroy you know who, and I felt terrified."

Alfred nodded in silence. There was something deeply unsettling about what Selina was saying and, at the same time, disturbingly familiar.

"After that, I haven't gotten a good night's sleep," Selina sighed, "It's like there's this constant buzzing at the back of my head and I can't turn my mind off."

Alfred tightened his grip on Selina's hand. Now he was worried but, at the same time, was glad to hear there was something that could explain her sudden change of heart.

"You should talk to Dr. Thompkins about it," He said as he let go of her hand. "She can probably help you with your sleeping problem. About the other thing, I have to ask you, do you really, completely trust this friend of yours?"

"Yes, well, she is my oldest friend and has been by my side at my best and at my worst," Selina said. "There's nothing we'd do to hurt…"

But she remembered how Holly had used her teachings to kill over 200 people, not caring that the blame would fall on Selina. She remembered how Holly hurt Bruce when he was looking for her, and how the two of them had to actually look for her and ask her to fix the problem so they could start a life together.

"I trust her. With my life," Selina finally said. "I don't believe she would want to hurt me, at least not intentionally."

Alfred nodded again. That word spoke volumes and it gave him hope that maybe, just maybe, there could be a solution to that problem.

"Very well, Miss Kyle, I believe you." Alfred said and sat back. "I have heard you and you have heard me. We have much in common and, even if you don't believe me, I care for you. I was happy for you and for Bruce and I wish I could have saved you both the heartache and the pain of that night."

Alfred smiled before standing up and picking his coat from the back of his seat.

"I have to go now," he said. "Even if Master Bruce is currently detained, there's no telling when he might need some assistance."

"You didn't finish your beer," Selina pointed at the glass still full. "Do you really have to hurry?"

The question meant to hide her loneliness and her need to keep in touch with the part of her life that had made her happy and Alfred knew it, but if his suspicions were correct, he could help her go back to feeling that way.

"I am sorry, Miss Kyle, but you know how it is," he said and placed his hand on her shoulder. "I have one last thing to ask of you, Selina, and that is to trust me."

Selina was surprised to hear him address her with her name, but she nodded.

"I will stay in touch with you, because I worry about you, and you don't have to feel like you're alone," he said as he removed his hand from her shoulder. "If you ever need my help, you always know where to find me."

She nodded and, without knowing why, she jumped out of her chair and hugged Alfred. He smiled and held her back, not because he wanted to patronize her or be condescending, but because he cared for her as a daughter.

"Thank you Alfred," She said as she let him go. "And I'm sorry, I really am. I…"

"It's alright, child," Alfred interrupted. "Don't worry. I don't hate you, and I promise you, neither does he. We will find a way out of this storm, together."

Selina nodded, feeling hope for the first time. They said their goodbyes and she saw him head to the counter where he paid for their drinks. She laughed, because the guys at the Four-Leaf would never charge her or her guests, but she figured he would never leave without paying. She stayed in her seat for a long time, feeling relaxed, as if a huge weight had been lifted of her shoulders. She wondered if she would be able to sleep that night.

Outside, Alfred slowly walked back to the car, going over the conversation in his head. Selina's words had rung a memory of another woman in Bruce's life whose emotions were a wreck, caused by the actions of a man who could manipulate them. Wheels were turning in his head and he wanted to be sure about his suspicions of what was happening before talking to Bruce about it.

Alfred had a feeling Selina had had her emotions manipulated by the Psycho Pirate, and it had resulted in her breaking up with Bruce. The Pirate had been working with Bane, and Alfred knew the criminal wanted nothing more than destroying Batman by any means possible. It was a theory; a good theory and he would have to work hard to see if there was a way to fix things.

Then maybe, just maybe, his son could have a chance of being truly happy.


End file.
